non-political, "free thought" post

[[ Warning: SHORT RANT -- I get so overwhelmed at certain points in the quarter. I know that's not going to change in life, though. It just feels like every time I start doing well with one thing, another aspect of my life goes terribly wrong for a little while. I'm actually just going to stop there.]]

My quarter break plans have changed three times. As of now, I'm going on the mission trip with the ABS to El Faro, Arkansas to help a missionary to a Spanish-speaking group of people build a church there. I was pretty excited about it when it was supposed to be over Mardi Gras break, but it was canceled because of the snow. Now that it's back on, I was wary of going because I need to get a lot of reading and research done over that break (since I didn't do it over Mardi Gras break because I worked so much at Casa). Then I realized that I'm just lazy and I have the same chances of getting it done whether or not I go on the trip. Leigh reinforced this. Thanks.

The original plan was just to go home and work, but since I did that over Mardi Gras, it's not as necessary anymore. The previous plan, though, was to go to Illinois with Dane and his mom. I was really looking forward to that for the short time that it seemed likely. A few months ago, we had planned on going up there to meet his grandparents, aunt, and cousins for Christmas. Now I'm actually not sure if we're still going to go for Christmas or not, since the plans have changed so much. Guess we'll wait and see.

Dane and I got to visit with Leigh and Eric Friday! That was really great. Toward the end of the night, I went and sat in Leigh's chair with her and we caught up (we were way past due for that) while the guys started their football-speak. We talked about all kinds of things, and when they were about to have to leave, she said, "Ok, I'll be mushy now. You really are my best friend." It almost made me cry. I have this complex where I feel like people who are close to me don't actually see me as equally close or important to them. So it's always so good to hear that from her. It's the same concept, I think, when Courtney asked me to be in her wedding. I was actually surprised because I figured, surely she had more other friends that she preferred to me. I'm not sure why I think like that a lot of times...

I really appreciate mine and Leigh's friendship, though. We can go months without talking at all and then when we get together, or even talk on the phone, talk for hours about everything we can think of. We've known each other since fourth grade when I didn't like her because I thought she was one of those rude, popular kids. But then we got to know each other in middle school and it was great. But still, at that point, I even remember being really surprised one time when she asked me to spend the night before a field trip we had the next day (Green team!). We drifted apart a bit in high school because... well I don't actually know why... but we ended up sitting together in Mr. Weber's physics class senior year and instantly became best friends again. So now, it's amazing- we know everything about each other's lives and backgrounds because it's been such a long-term relationship.

Wow. I didn't mean to get so sentimental. That's OK though. I'm just feeling really emotional today, as I sadly became aware of this morning. But that's another story.

So I've been reading through Romans, slowly, and it's pretty intriguing. I read some of chapter 9 this morning, and it's definitely food for thought. The mind of God is SUPER hard, well impossible, to grasp. It's one of those chapters that frustrates me. I'm not generally supportive of "predestination" until I think about it enough and realize that, to me, it's all the same thing when you realize that God's OUTSIDE of time. I think that's where a lot of the "differences" come in with this subject. Sure, God's decided and called who he wanted, and now that's just being played out. He already did it, in the past, yet he already is in the future too. So our free will matters. He's just already in the future to see the results of said free will.

Romans 8 is definitely one of my favorite chapters, as I believe I mentioned before. I hope you all read it when I told you to the other day! But so many times I try and live by my own power and according to what I want, and it doesn't work that way. To complement the post about motive, let me add a few scriptures that I've been trying to meditate on --

Romans 8:6 - "...the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace"
Philippians 4:12-13 - "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in abundance or need. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."

Ok, so maybe they don't go hand-in-hand with the previous stuff, but they are great nonetheless and very much noteworthy. I'll try to go more into this stuff, as I read through the fundamentals of the faith once again, and share.